


One More Day

by malecstozier



Series: 3B inspired fics/codas [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x18, Alec Lightwood is a good boyfriend, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, If You Squint - Freeform, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Malec, Post-Episode: s03 e17 heavenly fire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 08:47:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18443111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecstozier/pseuds/malecstozier
Summary: Alec would do anything to prove Magnus wrong. If that meant tearing the world down just to see a smile on his face, then so be it.





	One More Day

**Author's Note:**

> this is up so late sorry

Alec doesn’t know how much time passes. The candles burn themselves out, much like Magnus himself, who seems to sink further and further in Alec’s embrace as the minutes go by. He’s exhausted, Alec can feel it. From pretending he's fine for so long, from losing his magic again, from _living_.

Alec hates it. He hates that all he can do is hold Magnus as he breaks down. He can’t fix it, he can’t cure Magnus, he can’t stop this, so he tightens his grip on Magnus and lays a kiss in his hair, stroking a hand slowly up and down his back. He hopes it’s enough, for now. For now, it has to be. It has to be, as the tears continue to leak from Magnus’ eyes, as he repeats “I’m sorry” like a mantra, no matter how many times Alec shushes him and tells him it’s okay.

It's not okay, though. Alec struggles to repress his own tears as the love of his life breaks down into his arms and it terrifies him- how close the edge Magnus truly is. There was a moment when he saw something in Magnus' eyes that he'd never seen before. Defeat. Absolute and utter surrender to the world and to his feelings and that terrified him. He couldn't simply let Magnus leave, not just because he didn't want Magnus to push him out, but because he was worried about what he might do. The concept of losing Magnus was too much to bear, and he would not run that risk anymore. He couldn't simply stand by as his love slipped further and further into a darkness he can't escape. 

_”I know you do, but you can't"_

Alec would do anything to prove Magnus wrong. If that meant tearing the world down just to see a smile on his face, then so be it. 

When he pulled away, Alec was half expecting him to try and leave, fight once more, but he just wiped his face with a defeated sigh and proceeded to walk to the edge of the balcony, leaning his forearms on the railing and trailing his eyes over the peaceful night skyline. It hits Alec for a second, how ethereal he looks against the night sky. He's something mighty, something magical and he can't handle the thought of him not seeing that. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts before cautiously sliding up next to Magnus, looking out at the night sky with a sort of wistfulness, achingly familiar to that night after Max’s party, when he’d told Magnus he was his responsibility. Maybe he hadn’t realised at the time just how much he meant that. Not ‘responsibility’ in the sense that he _has_ to take care of Magnus, but that he wants to. He wants more that anything to take Magnus into his arms and shield him from all the shit the world likes to throw at him, but shit, now they’re stood on the balcony of the institute instead of Magnus’ loft (just another thing Magnus has lost) after Magnus had literally broken down in Alec’s arms and Alec can’t help but think- _where did I go wrong?_ He just wanted to protect Magnus, and now-

 

“Alec?” 

His voice comes out hoarse and deep, and the use of Alec’s nickname instead of his full name sends a pang of hurt through Alec as well as the rawness of his tone. Still, he looks over at Magnus, concealing the remnants of his own pain.

“Yeah?” he ignores the fact that his own voice comes out a little husky and hesitant, that it’s obvious he’s on the edge of tears.

“I- I just- I wish I could just-“ he clenches his fist and presses it against his mouth, breathing in deeply to school his expression and stop the tears- just for one moment he’d like to stop fucking _crying._

“Can we go to bed? Please?”

And Alec his helpless to do anything but nod.

-

It takes up to an hour for Magnus to fall asleep. He keeps crying, and Alec lets him. He rests his head on his chest and every now and then, he’d let out a sound of pure and utter devastation, as though all the pain hit him again and he’d clutch at Alec’s shirt, twisting and balling the material as he sobbed and it took everything in Alec not to scream in frustration- not at Magnus, never at Magnus, but at the world. At Asmodeus, at Lorenzo, at every single person that had ever been responsible for Magnus Bane feeling any pain. At himself, for letting this happen. Instead, he leaves delicate kisses in Magnus’ hair, strokes a hand up and down his back and whispers “it’s okay” even though it’s so very far from okay as the love of his life falls to pieces in his arms and he is helpless to do anything but attempt to pick them up, though it feels like every time he gets one back into place, two more fall. 

 

When Magnus does finally fall asleep, Alec can tell it’s a fitful one. His brow furrows and his fingers twitch, clenching and unclenching as though readying for a battle he can’t win. It’s then, that Alec finally lets a tear slip. And he continues to let them fall, watching each one disappear into Magnus’ hair with a sort of grim satisfaction, because even though they’re both hurting beyond belief, they’re both here, they’re both alive, and Alec gets to hold Magnus in his arms for one more day.

 _Alec would do anything to prove Magnus wrong. If that meant tearing the world down just to see a smile on his face, then so be it._ but for now, he’d just hold him.  
-


End file.
